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Scripts for our shows are written by the Cramps. Here's a sketch from the O date party. It's a monologue which was adapted and performed by Sue Button. |
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The scene is set with a backdrop of an old fashioned office door with 'Newhart's Education and Re-skilliing College' on the frosted glass. There is a secretary with telephone. The phone rings and the secretary speaks to the person on the far end. Good Morning, Newhart's Education and Re-skilliing College. Oh, Hi Gord! Long time no hear. How you doing? You've got a really great Project in Hampshire. Wonderful! And you think we'd be interested in providing some training, uh? What sort of training then Gord? You got 600 ATCOs need training. What's an ATCO, Gord? What's that stand for? Is that some kind of acronym, Gord? Arrogant, Temperamental, Cynical and Overpaid. And you got about 600 of these guys huh? And what exactly do you want us to do to these guys, Gord. |
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You want us to teach them teamworking, huh? I see. You want them to forget all about the little gangs they used to work in and, what was that, Gord? 'Accept criticism as a gift'. (nervous laugh) That's a tough one, Gord! And then, you want us to teach them how to use some new kit, is that it, Gord. And how do they know this new kit is going to work? Trust you! I see Gord. And these 'cynics', they have a lot of trust in everyone then, Gord, do they? - And does it work, Gord? Not yet. But it will. When you've fixed it. I see. And they've got to carry on with their day job in London at the same time? Is that it? And you're a little bit tight on numbers, so you're going to restrict their holidays - that'll put them in a good mood, Gord. And then you want them to move their families ….. and you're going to change their employers as well! You spoken to the change management guys? |
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They're people who help you manage change, Gord. (Taking
notes) OK, Gord. So we get students from 7 in the morning, til 10 at
night every day for a year, every single day, right? So, we don't get
weekends off then, right? (Screws up the notes) Oh, I see. Well, we'll call you then, Gord. No, no, I'm not nervous, really. Sounds like quite an interesting challenge…. What did you say these customers were called? (Aside) They must be nuts Oh NATS! Close enough. No, no, don't call us - we'll call you, Gord. Bye |
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